Change.

Change is a constant part in our society. Without change, people would not be able to create and develop not only themselves, but the world we live in. Whether it is our opinions, beliefs, or our perspective of how we view certain topics, we do change. The change that occurred with me came gradually. That change was my perspective on having my own children.
When I was little I had always wanted to have kids, I was an only child at age 4 until my first brother, Christopher was born. I was so excited; I would always look after him, want to feed him, carry him, and even want to change his diapers. Then my parents had another baby boy named Matthew, I was happy, I thought it would be like having two babies of my own to take care of. After Matthew, my parents had another baby boy, named Luke. There were problems with this brother. My mom and Luke were hospitalized after he was born; I was only eight so the doctors didn’t want to tell me exactly what was wrong with them. I may not have known what exactly was wrong, but I was old enough to know that there was some kind of problem with the pregnancy. Luke and my mom came home healthy after a few weeks and my mom let me take care of Luke more than my other two brothers. After Luke, I finally got a little sister, Emily and I was overjoyed. By this kid I was a professional at making bottles and changing diapers, I could even watch after the other kids too. My parents had another boy, Xavier. I was twelve years old; excited to have another brother, but I was also getting tired of watching and taking care of another baby. I thought that Xavier was the last sibling I was going to have, but it turns out my mom was going to have one more. She had another girl, which we named Bridget. I was fifteen years old and I felt like I was too old to be taking care of a baby.
Unfortunately for me, I was fifteen taking care of a new baby. My mom at this time was a single parent with three jobs so I was left to care for the kids and newborn. Having to bring the new baby with me to go grocery shopping was always embarrassing, especially in a small Texas town. People would constantly give me looks. Quite often people would tell me how beautiful what they thought was my daughter, but they would always say it with a hint of accusation or disappointment. After they walked away I made promises to myself to not have my own kids, I hated being judged like that. I did feel like a mother though; making dinner for the kids, making sure they did homework as I warmed bottles, it was tiring.
 I had always wanted kids when I was younger, but over the years of growing up I wanted none. My family and friends completely understand why I don’t want kids. I saw how my mom struggled with the pregnancies. I got firsthand experience with newborns, toddlers, preteens, and now teenagers. I don’t want to put myself through that experience when I begin to start my own life. I’m still young; I could always change my mind when I get married. However, I have my heart set on not having my own kids. No matter what happens though I already feel like I’ll always have to look out for my siblings like my own mother would.